It is very unusual I would post anything not related to the family and with pictures but this forward from a friend is just way too funny and extremely relative to how we live in the DC area. There is so much aspects of diversity in DC that this little article can sum it up well. Hope you enjoy it (but if you are not a local resident, you might get the jokes) Hahaha
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For those who plan to visit our area...
First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is DC or "the District" - only tourists call it Washington.
Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it's already obsolete. GPS doesn't help, it will be gone by the time you get back to your car.
There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in D.C. It's just another chase, usually on the BW Parkway.
All directions start with "The Beltway"... which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an "inner" and "outer loop" designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE outside the area.
Thanks to residents along the Potomac River, it takes commuters two hours to get to work for a ten mile drive squeezing through the American Legion Bridge.
In DC there are more thieves than cops(including politicians-ironic being the Capital of the US), in Maryland there are more cops than thieves (thanks to local city taxes and speed cops), and in Virginia there are more Spanish people than cops and thieves combined.
The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. And don't forget about lunch hour rush from 11Am until 1 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.
If there is a ball game at the Redskins FedEx stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County. (Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro, Bowie or Fort Washington (its Prince Georges County). They'll blow a vessel in their neck and go into a seizure.)
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended and shot at. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 "picture" you will receive courtesy of DMV red light cameras. (However, if you don't go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages.
Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers.
Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the nearest Giant for toilet paper, milk, and salt.
Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate," but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opened in the 60's, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section, Express highway and local highway which causes more confusion. Interstate 370 is only three miles long and stays in the same city.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Takoma Park".
If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the warning.
All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World.
Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don't ask why, no one knows. If you know someone that lives close to Rte 28 make sure to ask whether they live in Virginia or Maryland, a major difference.
If asking directions in Arlington, Langley Park, Wheaton or Adams Morgan, Spanish helps. Annandale, Cambodian or Vietnamese will come in handy. If on DuPont Circle, Capitol Hill or U Street, tolerance for same sex a plus. If you stop to ask directions in Southeast...well, just don't ask and keep driving.
A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you 16.75. (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand.)
Chinatown in DC is one block long so it would take you a whole 5 minutes to have a walking tour. There is no actual Chinese residents there.
Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do.
There is nothing more comforting then seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!! (Truer words have never been written!)
The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the "slow " lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat" lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All SUVs have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.
The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect traffic points as you go.
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For those who plan to visit our area...
First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is DC or "the District" - only tourists call it Washington.
Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it's already obsolete. GPS doesn't help, it will be gone by the time you get back to your car.
There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in D.C. It's just another chase, usually on the BW Parkway.
All directions start with "The Beltway"... which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an "inner" and "outer loop" designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE outside the area.
Thanks to residents along the Potomac River, it takes commuters two hours to get to work for a ten mile drive squeezing through the American Legion Bridge.
In DC there are more thieves than cops(including politicians-ironic being the Capital of the US), in Maryland there are more cops than thieves (thanks to local city taxes and speed cops), and in Virginia there are more Spanish people than cops and thieves combined.
The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. And don't forget about lunch hour rush from 11Am until 1 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.
If there is a ball game at the Redskins FedEx stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County. (Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro, Bowie or Fort Washington (its Prince Georges County). They'll blow a vessel in their neck and go into a seizure.)
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended and shot at. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 "picture" you will receive courtesy of DMV red light cameras. (However, if you don't go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages.
Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers.
Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the nearest Giant for toilet paper, milk, and salt.
Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate," but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opened in the 60's, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section, Express highway and local highway which causes more confusion. Interstate 370 is only three miles long and stays in the same city.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Takoma Park".
If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the warning.
All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World.
Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don't ask why, no one knows. If you know someone that lives close to Rte 28 make sure to ask whether they live in Virginia or Maryland, a major difference.
If asking directions in Arlington, Langley Park, Wheaton or Adams Morgan, Spanish helps. Annandale, Cambodian or Vietnamese will come in handy. If on DuPont Circle, Capitol Hill or U Street, tolerance for same sex a plus. If you stop to ask directions in Southeast...well, just don't ask and keep driving.
A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you 16.75. (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand.)
Chinatown in DC is one block long so it would take you a whole 5 minutes to have a walking tour. There is no actual Chinese residents there.
Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do.
There is nothing more comforting then seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!! (Truer words have never been written!)
The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the "slow " lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat" lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All SUVs have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.
The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect traffic points as you go.
